Minced Beef & Onion Toastie

'Minced Beef & Onion Toastie'
Sent in by PVC Sister

You will need:
1 x Vaguely decent tin mince beef and onion pie filling
1 x Clit Bang bottle to clean sandwich toaster off as you haven't used the thing in fucking years and it's covered in a layer of some weird hybrid fudge / dust
1 x face mask as there has been a noxious gas emitting from mixture of clit bang and uncleaned sandwich toaster. (am I the only person alive who still uses a sandwich toaster on a regular basis?)
1 x one of those things they use in Men in Black to erase memories so the last two sentences are forgotten as they are probably pointless
2 x slices of bread

- Put bread on counter, turn on sandwich toaster, put spread of choice on bread (both sides if you wish it to be golden brown on outside, but this involves more clit bang, another face mask and getting the blue lighty doo-dah from that movie out, hold on... that's a sonic screwdriver????!!)
- Put filling on bread, put another slice of bread on top, (edit, put sandwich on a plate cos he says so, and it won't drip all over the kitchen floor) stick in sandwich toaster.
- When done according to taste, stick back on plate. And eat when sufficiently cooled or it's like molten lava. Knows.
(I would like to add, Stagg Chilli would probably be just as good)